Self Image Recovery
Yesterday morning I was sitting at my kitchen table holding my 4 week old baby girl. Since I've temporarily been off of work, I’ve been enjoying being a wife and a mom (something I’ve always wanted to be!) and trying to get into new routine. The Lord has tenderly been helping me once again get back into a routine of starting every day with him, of course after Greta is fed and I’ve made my morning coffee. :)
This morning he led me to Song of Songs chapter 6, an exchange between lovers- a young man and young woman who are deeply in love. The book is a book of love poems, and it reflects God’s heart and goodness stored up for us in marriage, in a covenenant relationship, an everlasting promise of love and faithfulness. This could be an earthly covenant or our heavenly covenenant with God, his love and pursuit of us as his bride. I started reading,
“Where has your lover gone, O woman of rare beauty? Which way did he turn so we can help you find him?..”
“Woman of rare beauty.”
In my subconsious I thought, “Lord, you couldn’t be referring to me.”
I have gained some weight from pregnancy and haven’t been able to work out for some time now. I’ve recently had some negative thoughts towards myself, thinking, as soon as I can work out again and lose this extra weight I'll feel that way again.
“Turn your eyes away, for they over power me…” (v.5)
“Your smile is flawless…”
The Lord whispered to me, “I love my daughters so much, (me and Greta) I am talking about you, my precious ones. You are flawless. You are beautiful, inside and out. You shine for me. You are worth taking care of. Your beauty does not come from a perfect carved image. You are already mine, already shining, and no one or nothing can change that.
The Lord was tenderly removing from me again a false view of myself as I realized I was starting to shame myself for losing discipline and not eating the best or doing anything intentional to look good post-partum. I was starting to feel it.
This morning, I recieved new motivation to take care of myself, to put nutrients in my body and to move it as much as I can, to get sleep and sabbath, and to take care of my heart and mind, but it wasn’t from a place of striving or needing to recover something.
The Lord revealed to me this truth:
I take care of myself because I am beautiful, not to become it.
You say I am, and I am yours.
How amazing to be yours, Lord! What a love I have found in you. Such a secure place, my true home, my comfort, my true identity, my Rock, my Savior, my Lord, the one I live for because you’ve already accepted me!
“I no longer count on my own righteousness through obeying the law, rather, I become righteous through faith in Christ. For God’s way of making us right with himself depends on faith.”
“Who is this arising like the dawn, as fair as the moon, as bright as the sun, as majestic as an army with billowing banners?” (v. 10)
Let him speak tenderly to you today. You are his, and you are breathtakingly beautiful.
